BEING SELF-CENTERED (SELFISH)

Do you often hear yourself saying things like:

“What about me?”

“Where’s mine?”

“I don’t want…”

“I don’t like…”

“You hurt my feelings…”

“I’m afraid…”

“I’m bored…”

I, me, my, mine.

When everything continually comes back to you—your feelings, your wants, your comfort, your needs—it may be time to examine whether self-centeredness has taken root.

A self-centered person is primarily concerned with his or her own interests, needs, desires, and welfare. Self-centeredness says, “As long as I’m okay, that is what matters.”

It may not always be spoken out loud, but the attitude can sound like:

“I don’t care if someone else is struggling as long as my family is doing well.”

“That’s their problem.”

“As long as it doesn’t affect me, I’m fine.”

That is a dangerous place to live because God never intended our lives to revolve around ourselves.

Take a moment and pay attention to how often you say “I,” “me,” “my,” or “mine”—especially when those words are connected to getting your own way, protecting your comfort, or focusing only on how something affects you.

God Created Us for Relationship

Genesis 2:18 says:

“It is not good that the man should be alone…”

I believe one of the beautiful purposes we can see in God creating Eve was that Adam’s life was never meant to be centered only on himself. God created us for relationship, and healthy relationships require us to look beyond ourselves.

God created us for relationship with Him and with one another.

Marriage, family, friendships, church relationships, and even our relationships with people outside our immediate circle require us to look beyond ourselves. God never intended life to be all about you.

Philippians 2:3 tells us:

“Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.”

James 3:16 also warns us:

“For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there.”

Selfishness creates division, confusion, resentment, and broken relationships.

Love Looks Outward

Self-centeredness asks:

“What do I get?”

Love asks:

“What can I give?”

Self-centeredness asks: “How does this affect me?”

Love asks: “How is the other person doing?”

Self-centeredness seeks personal satisfaction first. Biblical love learns to consider the needs and feelings of others.

That does not mean you have no needs, no boundaries, or no voice. It means your needs are not the only needs that matter.

Love looks outward.

Selfishness continually looks inward.

What Is Behind Self-Centeredness?

Sometimes selfish behavior is driven by pride, but sometimes something deeper is underneath it.

Fear. Insecurity. Rejection. Pain.

The need to feel important.

The need to protect yourself.

Some people become so focused on protecting themselves emotionally that everything begins to revolve around their feelings and their needs. But pain does not have to control your behavior. And insecurity does not have to become selfishness.

Check Yourself

Ask yourself: How often do conversations become about me?

Do I genuinely listen to other people? Can I rejoice when someone else is blessed?

Do I care about another person’s pain when it does not directly affect me?

Do I constantly need to have my way?

Do I become upset when I am not the center of attention?

Am I more concerned about being understood than understanding someone else?

These questions are not meant to condemn you. They are meant to help you see yourself clearly.

You Can Change

If you recognize self-centeredness in yourself, don’t be discouraged.

Recognizing it is the beginning of change.

Be willing to admit:

“Lord, I have been too focused on myself.”

Then allow God to work on your heart.

He can teach you to listen.

He can teach you to care.

He can teach you to give.

He can teach you to consider others.

He can heal the insecurity and pain that may be causing you to constantly turn inward.

Self-centeredness does not have to define you. God can change your heart from:

“What about me?”

to: “How can I love someone else today?”

Food for thought:

When was the last time you did something for someone else when there was absolutely nothing in it for you?